ChangeYourMindset (13K)

CHANGE YOUR MINDSET NOT YOUR MAN, Learn to Love What's Right Instead of Trying to Fix What's Wrong, is a book that took me a lifetime to write. I was like the psychotherapy clients I treated for twenty years determined to find that adoring man and a cherishing relationship, and took many wrong turns in the process. What you will discover by reading my book is that the real relationship you are seeking is with yourself. I provide the tools to begin the work of building that empowered self and a full happy life even with a flawed partner and an imperfect relationship. I've imagined some questions you might have about the book:

What is your book about?

My book, Change Your Mindset Not Your Man, shows you how to quit being a victim to the cultural myth that a relationship with a soul mate will be your ultimate fulfillment and change the only one you can change--yourself! Unfortunately many a woman has tossed aside good men trying to find the fantasy prince and happily ever after, only to end up disappointed and jaded. Men are not hard wired or socialized for the fantasy relationship that movies, novels, and fairytales promised. All the nagging, complaining and crying just make it worse. Even couples counseling can backfire and just add to the misery if it's the woman who is enlisting the help of a therapist to fix him.

How is your book different from other relationship books?

My book is about a woman's individuation and empowerment-- learning to be a mature partner who is able to accept her good enough mate and find happiness in a life that doesn't look to him to be her everything. Many relationship books are focused on the problems and how to fix them--a difficult or impractical task for women or couples to do on their own if at all. My approach to relationship success is to accept your partner's imperfections, appreciate the gifts and take responsibility for your own growth.

How does your book advise a woman to do that?

First accept that she isn't going to change him, and that criticizing him just digs a deeper hole. Realize that she has some growing and maturing to do. Identify the negative beliefs and stories that keep her stuck and rework them--just because you believe it doesn't make it true. Face up to the normal disappointment and pain of relationships and life-it's inevitable! Understand the truth that a romantic partner will not compensate for what she may have missed growing up, that a love relationship won't make it all better. Recognize and build on the strengths and positives in her partner and the relationship and learn some tools that will enable her to lead by example. Reconnecting with her dreams and building a bigger life will also take the pressure off the relationship and point women in the direction of more satisfaction.

Author Endorsements

These are some of my favorite authors! I am very indebted to them for their praise of my book:

This book shows in clear and practical ways how to let go of demands, drama, and expectations in relationships. The self-confidence that results makes women more appealing as partners and more serene within themselves. Sally Watkins has presented wise guidance for women but men can also benefit immensely from this peek into female feelings and needs.
David Richo, Ph.D., author of: Everyday Commitments: Choosing A Life Of Love, Realism, And Acceptance (Shambhala 2007)

"Change Your Mindset Not Your Man offers a truely unique perspective on relationships....well written, honest, realistic, and practical. This book is about growth, personal empowerment and the development of mature perspectives on intimate relationships. This is a must read for those who long for lasting relationships."
John D. Preston, Psy.D., ABPP, author of You Can Beat Depression: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery, 4th Edition, Impact Publishers,2004

Relationship wisdom may very well begin with these words: "Let it be as it is!" Sally Brooke Watkins tells why this is so and how we can apply this transformative concept in everyday life. With the help of clear and interesting anecdotes, she breaks new ground for deepening our love and respect for ourselves and others. This book strikes a chord of truth that is as down-to-earth as it is refreshing.
Hal Zina Bennett, author of The Lens of Perception: A User's Guide to Higher Consciousness, 3rd Edition, Celestial Arts, 2007

Sally Watkins offers women effective tools for self-awareness and empowerment, directing their attention inward, instead of focusing on their partners. I am pleased to see so many of the powerful principles of psychosynthesis presented here in clear, conversational language, with helpful examples and stories. So many self-help books offer only simplistic how-to formulas. Change Your Mindset goes far beyond that, setting the reader off on a life journey of self-discovery and self-development.
Molly Young Brown, author of Growing Whole: Self-Realization for the Great Turning, Psychosynthesis Press, Revised 2009, and Unfolding Self: The Practice of Psychosynthesis, Allworth Press, revised 2004

This wise and profound book is not just about the relationship with "your man", though that is its focus. It's about many philosophical and psychological principles as they apply to life's most critical issues. This is not a one idea book, but it's most central theme is the critical need for taking responsibility for one's life. Not a new idea, but this work can help you "get it" in a way that makes a difference. If you truly engage with this sage book and its work, you will be richly rewarded.
Stephen M. Johnson, Ph.D. author of Character Styles, Humanizing the Narcissistic Style, and others.

"Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man helps women face some important truths: 1) A romantic partner cannot make up for what you missed as a child and it is unfair to expect a man to do so, 2) A woman shouldn't look to her partner to be her everything. As the title implies, instead of focusing on changing their mates, women need to focus instead on changing themselves--including their false beliefs, their fantasies and their ability to take care of their own needs. I recommend the book to any woman who feels stuck and/or dissatisfied in her relationship.
Beverly Engel, LMFT, author of Loving Him without Losing You: How to Stop Disappearing and Start Being Yourself, Wiley, 2001, and Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused and Start Standing Up for Yourself, Wiley, 2008.

Sally Watkins understands why women are so unhappy, and why so many marriages don't work: the fairy tale expectations that many women try to make work in their marriages. Change your Mindset, not your Man teaches women how to leave behind the myths that don't work and learn how to go beyond "I" into an "I-Thou" relationship by changing thoughts, taking responsibility, and dropping old patterns. This wonderful guide draws from cognitive psychology, common sense, and spiritual wisdom to show women how to find happiness at home, where they already are. I recommend it to couples and therapists as a way to go beyond blame all the way to a real relationship.
Linda Joy Myers, Ph.D., MFT, and author of The Power of Memoir-How to Write Your Healing Story and Don't Call Me Mother. Two Bridges Press 2005.

Finally a book that has us look at marriage realistically! I cannot wait to recommend Change Your Mindset, Not Your Man to all the married women I know who are struggling to accept their less-than-perfect spouses. Sally Watkin's book shows us how making the most of our lives, rather than trying to fix our husbands, is the surest path to happiness.
Evelyn Bassoff, Ph.D., author of Mothering Ourselves, Mothers and Daughters: Loving and Letting Go, and Between Mothers and Sons: The Making of Vital and Loving Men.